A bit late but... Santa-glorification: "Jingle Bell Wrath"

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A bit late but... Santa-glorification: "Jingle Bell Wrath"

Postby Rath Darkblade » Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:42 am

The following is a parody written from the point of view of a Santa Claus who is feeling worn down by the constant demands of kids and having to travel around the whole world in a single night. ;)

I wrote this one in about 15 minutes, while thinking of what'd happen when Santa finally goes completely berserk. :P Enjoy!

Parody: "Jingle Bell Wrath"
(to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms)

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Toi-let lids and snotty-nose kids
Gushin' and rushin' to get there on time
Gotta run - I cannot stop to rhyme!

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Everyone thinks I don't sleep a wink
Taxes on waxes, I still gotta do -
You'd be barmy too!

I'm driven crazy, I'm not lazy
but I need to make toys
The kids all haunt me, then they taunt me -
Girls are nasty, but the meanest are boys!

Now I'll stock up on guns, that's what I'll do
I'll do as Rambo doth -
Shootin' and killin' 'til I'm in the stew,
That's my jingle bell wrath!

(musical interlude, punctuated by shotgun shells, grenades etc.)

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Cops on my tail, they threw me in jail
Dancer and Prancer will both break me out -
...t's what it's all about!

I got more ammo, I'll be Rambo
And then I'll kill the elves;
Some politicians say it's their missions,
Yeah, to stop me - they can f*** themselves...

Without me there's no gifts, plain as can be
I am on the warpath;
I'll drive a tank, then I'll nuke you and me
That's my jingle bell -
Elves can go to hell -
That's my jingle bell wrath!
Rath Darkblade
The Cute One
 
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