"The Sandwich" - a very short QfG story!

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Rath Darkblade
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"The Sandwich" - a very short QfG story!

Post by Rath Darkblade » Fri Jul 31, 2015 3:45 am

Here's a very short QfG story I knocked up in some spare time at work (all right, about 5 minutes). ;) Hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think! :D

The Sandwich
(a short story)

"...and that's how a bank works," finished the strange man on that crisp autumn morning. "Would you like to try opening a savings account?"

Igor frowned in concentration. Saving for his old age wasn't something that came naturally to him - after all, what do you need a bank account for when your only expenses are wear and tear on the hammer and chisel? Nevertheless, he gave it a try.

The kopek hit the floor of the wooden box with a dull and lonely thud. "Igor saved!" he beamed, crying out triumphantly. "Kind stranger saved Igor a kopek!"

"Very good," smiled Sam (for it was he, obviously. Who else would run a bank in the QfG universe?). "Would you like to make another deposit?"

Igor shook his head. "Igor had better get back to business," he said, "or Igor might find that his tools have been frozen by the cold, and that he has a cold chisel. Hee hee! Little music humour there!"


It was an hour later, and nearly time for lunch. Sam shook his head in dissatisfaction. So far, on his first day as owner, CEO and chief cashier of the Sam First Incorporated Bank of Mordavia, his takings had been Igor's measly kopek.

It wasn't that Mordavia's residents were not thrifty, he reflected. On the contrary - to a man, woman and child, they were convinced that a kopek saved was a kopek earned. Unfortunately, they were similarly convinced that these kopeks were better saved under the mattress, or in an old sock under the floorboards. Naturally, this made his job harder.

What also made his job harder was the fact that - as certain representatives of Mordavia's farming community had said sourly - he was what they called "a stranger". Being a stranger had never bothered Sam before, but it seemed to be a distinct drawback here.

What to do, what to do... he thought as he drummed his fingers on the desk. Well, for a start, let's have lunch. Going out, he locked the door carefully behind him. Then he sat down on a handy tree stump, pulled out a sandwich, and began chewing disconsolately.

It was while Sam was doing this that a shadow fell across him - and what irritated him was that the shadow didn't even bother to apologise for being clumsy. He looked up into the grinning faces of Hans, Franz and Ivan, Mordavia's version of the vox populi. "Yeth?" Sam said wearily, spraying crumbs and bits of avocado everywhere. "Thorry to thpeak wif mah mouf full, buh you three thtartled me." He swallowed. "Mind telling me what this is all about? If you want to rob me, you may as well not bother - I only have a kopek."

Hans pointed a shaking finger. "That's an avocado and garlic sandwich!" he said in slightly accusing tones.

"Yeah!" Franz put in. "Strangers aren't supposed to eat that!"

"Right!" said Ivan, his grin growing. "You're not so bad after all, stranger. Come into the inn and have a pint with us."

As the slightly bewildered Sam was gently but firmly led away, he thought: Who'd have thought it - and all I have to do is pretend to like these stupid sandwiches...

The End

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The Jolly Roger
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Re: "The Sandwich" - a very short QfG story!

Post by The Jolly Roger » Sat Aug 01, 2015 12:59 am

Very funny. Sam would be looking for work again... seeing as SOMEONE *Looks at Rath* cleaned out his bank in Silmaria...

"Well I suppose you can't be a stranger then, can you?"

"You're a banker. We could certainly use a banker in these partssss.."

"Yah, Many stinky Bankers!"

"Well, since the roads are open again, we do have a few extra kopeks lying around."

"I don't know about you but I'm beginning to think our new friend here might be a valuble member of the community."

"Yah, and he didn't even have to save the town or nothing."

"Which reminds me, where did that hero disappear to?"

"Well, you see It really doesn't matter much I suppose since everything here is just peachy..."

Rath Darkblade
The Cute One
Posts: 4073
Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 5:15 am
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Re: "The Sandwich" - a very short QfG story!

Post by Rath Darkblade » Sat Aug 01, 2015 8:13 am

:lol: I got the idea when I thought of the different meanings of the phrase "Igor saved!" ;) You know - what Igor says when you get him out of the grave.

I like the three farmers... here's some more... ;)

It was later that night, and many drinks have been consumed, when Sam was suddenly aware of a new presence - and even more smoke - at the inn.

"It vaz very good of you to help Igor save," said a voice right next to his ear, making him jump. The fat innkeeper looked as if he was going to have a fit. "BELLA!!!" he bellowed. His wife looked up indignantly. "Vhat?! Och, Yuri, put zhe beeg smelly sock in it, vhy don't you. I vaz just sayink to zhe nice banker man how nice it is to have a nice bank in town!"

"Listen, fellas," Ivan put in his two kopeks' worth, "I'm tellin' ya - that hero's disappearance has got to be avenged!"

Hans groaned and put his face in his hands. "Why do I get the feeling that I should be saying that?" he asked the room in general.

"Yah!" Franz interjected. "And when are the elephants coming back, anyway?"

"Come to think of it," said Hans slowly, "we ain't seen no elephants for a while, have we, sports fans?"

"That's true," said Franz thoughtfully. "Even stinky ones."

"On the, uh, other hand," said Ivan, "that witch Baba Yaga is still living in the forest..."

"Ivan!!!" hissed Hans, annoyed. "Ixnay on the Babanay Yaganay. You know that...!" he added, shooting Ivan a dark look.

"Well excuse me all to pieces..."

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